There are a few things I have felt need to be said. Maybe a few things I really need to hear more than anyone else, but regardless, I am placing them here on the internet. Because writing has always been my escape, we all know that. I’ve expressed my love for the clicking of keys beneath my fingertips one too many times, and I will shamelessly continue to do so. The feeling of smooth black plastic pressing down and popping back against my hands soothes my mind in ways nothing else can. This is necessary. And this post is for me. But also for you. I hope you are reading this.
The first thing I feel I must get off my chest is this will pass. We are constantly told whatever is important today will not be important a year from now. And it is so true. When I reflect back to February 22, 2015, I cannot remember why I was upset with you, or anyone else. I can be sure that I was upset, I know something happened. Or maybe that day was absolutely blissful and I felt no pain. (I actually just dug through my Timehop to see that there was a snow day). But regardless, nothing lasts. No pain stays. All of the things that seem oh so important have melted away. So I beg you, I dare you, please continue to pursue whatever you feel is the most crucial part of today. I promise it won’t matter tomorrow. And a year from now, you won’t even remember it.
Secondly, thank you for sharing doubt with the world. Spreading poison and disaster with each and every step. Allowing the world to flip with the snap of your fingers. The truest most valiant power trip. I do hope it lasts. I hope the smile on your face breathes to be genuine. You won. Congratulations. Here is your award. Here is your crown.
Thank you for the mixed signals. The back and forth. Drunk on sunshine, causing slurs that read through in every message and decode in every hug. The constant wonder behind my wide eyes caused by your insignificant role in my life. Thank you. For you have been the truest friend I have found in a long time. You have revealed who…
Fourthly, thank you for leaving me when I needed you most. Thank you for abandoning me. For believing the lies. For placing blame into my hands. For allowing my mistakes to cause a rift between us rather than helping me to grow. I needed you. I thought I could trust you. I thought you said you were always there for me. But reputation is important. I understand. And I digress.
Most importantly, thank you for being there. Thank you for not just holding my hand. For the late night face times, car rides to nowhere, tearing through zip code after zip code. While physically we are stuck. Incapable of breathing, our oxygen supply has moved eastward. One day. One day we will be there too. I promise.
This has been another oddly satisfying session of therapeutic writing. I apologize to those caught in the crossfire. I hope you read this.